dervishes whirl in rapture
breeze whispers through screen
ten million worlds revealed
in morning sun’s hologram
~ ~ ~ ~
© Lee Samuels
Ooooh! Lots to like in this one, Lee! I could do without the dervish reference because of certain religious connotations, but that one thing didn’t ruin it for me. I’ts still an enchantment to visualize and to read aloud!
Grrr. — First word, last sentence s/b “It’s.”
Ahhhh, controversy: YEA!!!
You’ll note that ‘dervish’ was not capitalized. I intended the word be understood as an ‘action’: a beautiful, ethereal, wondrous, spiritual(?) action. Though I knew there was always the danger that it would happen, I honestly didn’t mean for the reader to conjure up a mental image of a specific religious sect/practice. With that said, should a reader say, “Sir, I can see no other interpretation than one that disturbs me,” then I would say, sincerely, that I wished no offense.
Let’s talk about the first word of my last line.
Yes: your suggestion of ‘it’s’ absolutely would work! And nope [insert big honking smile here] I’m not changing the verse!
Now, related to all this I have a question or two.
Are you familiar with renga? [I’m not very, but I’m betting you are.] Have you done this type of collaboration-writing before? If so, would you be interested (when time permits – maybe this winter) in bouncing some work back and forth with each other and creating a joint product or two? I think it would be quite cool to work with someone of your caliber! What do you think?
Well, it’s getting late gotta go. Ron, you’re the best! I’ll get over to your site tomorrow!
What is Tanka? Your cat, I suppose?
Good guess, but tanka is not my cat. Tanka is a 5-7-5-7-7 syllable form of poetry that – in my definition – is an extension of 5-7-5 syllable haiku.
I like your use of the word hologram. Puts a spin of the verse that makes me think.
this is deep. i dig your free “jayhawker” spirit. next time i hit kansas, i gotta look you up man.
Thank you! We’ll see you someday!
Lee – you just taught me something new. I had no knowledge of Tanka until now. You inspire me! I shall have to try this sometime (and make reference to you, of course).
Nice visuals here. Thank you for sharing your work – you have a definite voice.
Thank you, Julie, you’re very kind!
Thank you so much!
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